I Am Not Gay…(and I have no idea what that’s like)

girl looking out windowI am a woman and I like men. From the time I was a little girl, I carried the fantasies that so many girls dream – to meet a guy, fall in love, get married, have kids, have a life  long companion etc etc.

Well, that happened, kind of , not in the way I wanted In fact, it has been pretty messy. Widowed now 10 years, that desire has not changed. There are longings in the heart for companionship, even deeper given all the fractured ways that has happened.

I have no idea what it is like to desire someone of the same sex. It doesn’t resonate with me because when I think of attraction, I think of men. I have no idea of the struggles that people with same sex orientations face, and even more so if they are Christian who believe that homosexuality is a sin.

I came across this really interesting read by Sarah Pulliam Bailey, Gay, Christian and Celibate. The articles speaks of Christians who have a same sex orientation, believe that homosexuality is wrong and decide not to act upon it. They have no desire for the opposite sex, because they desire the same sex. But they choose to remain faithful and so they remain celibate.

I have no idea what that is like. Sure, I know my struggles with various issues. I know the issues in my own life that remain a battle. I know the repeated repentance and the desire to change. I know of change that has happened and also the change I wonder will happen. Continue reading