Deconversion and Dilemmas

It’s been a few months since I’ve written here. Part of that is because my writing just hasn’t flowed and I don’t like to force it when it get stuck. Though I have had an opportunity to produce a couple of pieces for Reformation21–one regarding the incident involving David Platt’s prayer over Trump and most recently, a reflection about leaving the faith and hence the title of this post. But I’ll get to that in a minute. Another reason that I haven’t written much is because of some very interesting life changes with a new job serving a local nonprofit that is focused on celebrating the multiethnic diversity in Roanoke (as in internationally) and also a new ministry project that I’ll be sharing more about in the days to come.

Regarding my recent piece published over at Reformation21 (link here), it was a reflection of my own testimony in light of the public deconversion of Josh Harris where he announced in an IG post that he was no longer Christian. Since that time Marty Sampson of Hillsong fame also announced that he was having doubts and reconsidering Christianity (though he did later clarify it didn’t mean he was leaving the faith).

This resonated with me since I was a prodigal for 13 years (1986-1999). While I never denounced Christianity, I lived as though I had nothing to do with it. As I wrote in the Ref21 piece, the mindset was pretty much the same;

While I never denounced Christianity or indicated I was no longer a Christian, my line of thinking definitely echoed what I hear Harris and Sampson utter–there was a deconstruction, if you will. But really, it was flat out rebellion. I could not live within a Christian construct any longer, foolishly believing that it was freedom. I lived as one who did not believe, doing what was right in my own eyes, and making many foolish decisions along the way.

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Relieved from guilt: my reluctance to see Passion of the Christ

Passion of the Christ_bloody JesusI realize that many have praised this movie and I don’t want to throw a wet blanket on somebody’s parade. So please know that what I’m about to say is formulating my own thoughts about a wildly popular movie among Christians. These are just my thoughts and observations. You may disagree and that’s ok. In fact, I’d be open to rethinking my perspective, which has been bubbling for some years. However, I suspect there are others who agree with me and so I wanted to pen out my thoughts.

Back in February 2004, The Passion of the Christ hit movie theaters and Christians turned out in droves to view it. At the time of its release, the church I was involved in at the time set up a mass viewing. I was reluctant but I didn’t know why. I blamed in on the difficulty of my home situation with my husband’s illness but really, that was no excuse. He passed away later that year and surely I had ample opportunity to rent the DVD once it was released. So what was my problem? Every year, I agonized over watching it since it seemed the “Christian” thing to do. It would not be until years later that I realized why I did not want to see this movie.

The more the reports and reviews spread about the incredible nature of the movie, the more conflicted I felt because of my reluctance. These reports emphasized the gruesome nature of Christ’s torture and crucifixion. Without seeing the movie, it became pretty obvious pretty fast that the director had intentionally taken liberties with the details of Jesus’ brutal last hours, expanding on the horrific violence that Jesus endured. By all accounts and reviews, there were bloody, tortuous scenes that would make the toughest of macho men flinch. The more I read and heard, it seemed to me that this violence was a central theme of the movie.

And it has occurred to me, that was the problem…

No doubt, Jesus endured a brutal trial and execution. That really was the Roman way. But when I look at Scripture, I have to wonder if that was the focus of the NT writers, especially the Gospel writers, in the narrative of Christ’s last hours. Continue reading