personal

The Quest for Contentment: Giving Self-Pity the Boot

Lisa Spencer3 Comments

sad faceThis is a personal entry that I hope can be of benefit for those struggling with discontentment.

“If I could just be content” I’ve repeated that one line more times than I care to count. After all that is what Paul said,

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I’ve learned what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:11-13).

He was needy. He had deficits. It wasn’t easy and it certainly wasn’t fair. He could have mired in discontentment. He could sit around and have a pity party for himself. Yet he said he had to learn contentment. As a side note, this is the context in which he says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.  His statement points to being content when there is need. This is what Christ strengthens him to do.

We should not fool ourselves in thinking that deficits and unaddressed needs don’t bother us and put the whammy on our souls.  But the bigger question is how do we treat them? Learning contentment in discontenting circumstances is often a difficult task and slow process. But what I’m discovering is that it is the only way towards contentment when you want to do otherwise.  Continue reading →

Putting on the Nikes: When Christian Singles Need to Run

Lisa Spencer1 Comment

runner at starting lineI came across this wonderful article yesterday that spoke of the consequences of marrying the wrong kind of person. It can have a harmful impact on the marriage, emotional and even physical health. Even dating the wrong people can have this impact. Trust me, I know. Pretty much everything on the list resonated with me.

I think articles like the one I posted are good. But one thing I’ve noticed, is that its always addressed to young, never been married people who most likely had stability growing up and ability to make wise choices. But sometimes, stuff happens in life that distorts the colander, creating ill responses and bad choices. When you’re young and full of romantic dreams, you don’t realize how life events can really impact you. This is especially true for those who have experienced loss and brokenness at a young age. You can go through life and respond to buttons that create all kinds of compromise.  That was my story.

I’ve been widowed since 2004, but I have a long history of relationship errors and choosing unwisely. From time to time, I reflect on an area in my life that I consider a thorn, especially since I long one day to finally get it right.  Actually, it finds a way to prick me, especially when I least expect it. I spent many, many years in a cloud repeating mistakes and wondering why I remained unloved. In fact, one of the most challenging aspects of my seminary experience was an excavation process that exposed the root causes of those choices (along with a couple of relationship flops). It’s been quite painful especially being in a context where love and marriage blossom.

Running away from bad news is difficult for women with low self worth and esteem. When women don’t understand their worth, the compromising soon follows. The red flags that are slapping them in the face are nothing more than mere tickles that can be ignored. I suppose this happens to men also, but I do see it more prevalent in women. Continue reading →

Transitions, Trust and Trying Something New

Lisa Spencer1 Comment

door_ajarToday was a bit of a milestone and one that I’ve looked forward to for quite some time. I registered for my final semester of seminary, or at least the ThM program (meaning there may be a possibility for the PhD program). Well, I still have to complete everything: this semester, thesis and the remaining 5 classes that will be taken this coming summer and fall. But it signifies that the end of something is near and the transition to a new chapter is on the horizon.

As I’ve wrote about in Cracking the Door to 2013, I approached the flip of the calendar with much hesitation. Unbeknownst to me during the celebratory zeal of my acceptance and preparation for the move to Dallas in 2008, I had no idea how personally trying the next 4 years would be.  Nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of personal trials and stark contradictions. No need to rehash but I think I’m in a far different place then I was that first day in August 2008.

I have suspected for some time that 2013 would mark a transition in multi-faceted ways, a time to turn the corner. Aside from wrapping up the ThM program, I don’t really know much in the way of details. But I’ve suspected that it also meant an employment transition. When I found out I was accepted to seminary, I kind of carried my profession with me. God really opened that door for me to have a good part-time position with a good mission to address the root causes of poverty and placed me among some wonderful people. Continue reading →

Wishing, Waiting and a White Winter Coat

Lisa Spencer2 Comments

lady in white winter coatSome of my most fond memories growing up were the summer and winter vacations I spent in Chicago with my grandparents. I was born there but my parents moved to Southern California when I was little. My parents divorced when I was 6 and then  after my mom died when I was 9, the Chicago treks turned into twice a year – most of the summer and a week during Christmas break.

My grandmother would take me on many shopping trips downtown, with the late summer trips geared for the purpose of buying school clothes. But one trip stood out above the rest. This one particular summer, just before my junior year, during a school clothes purchase trip, I saw this beautiful white winter coat. It was unlike anything I had ever seen: pulled white wool with these classy puffed out sleeves and very fashion forward for the early 1980s. I was not particularly a fashionista at the time, but I knew I would look good in that coat. And it was thin enough to be useful in California.

Well, my grandmother being the pragmatic person she was presented me with a choice. I could get the coat but that would significantly cut into my school clothes purchases. She was right and her wisdom won out. As much as I loved the coat and wanted it, I had to be practical and get what I needed. After all, I didn’t really need the coat but man I sure did want it. It was a desire.

When I went back for the winter break the day after Christmans, of course one of the first things I did was to open my birthday and Christmas gifts. As I opened one rather large box, my eyes began to light up. Could it be? Yes! My grandmother had brought the coat that I wanted so much. I was giddy because a desire had been fulfilled. But more than just getting a coat, what I really loved about the gift was that my grandmother responded to something she knew would make my heart glad. Continue reading →

Privilege, Pain and the Tragedy of Triumphalism

Lisa Spencer5 Comments

man standing on rockThis is a composite of various thoughts that have been swirling around my head for the past few days. I’ve been in a somewhat disconcerted state, continuing to reel from issues that plague my soul, wanting relief and wrestling with God. The persistent tug of war between despair and hopeful expectation of God’s working all things out gets exhausting at times. Just when peace settles in something comes across my radar that upsets the apple cart, so to speak. Honestly, I’ve gone through a period of feeling abandoned by God and feeling left to my own devices to figure it out. Well of course that is NOT the reality but at times I have trouble convincing my humanity of that. Thank God for the promises of his word.

When I saw this clip from Tullian Tchividjian, it so resonated with some of the things that bothered me regarding how pain and suffering is treated not only in our corporate gatherings but also the wrestling matches with ourselves individually.

What he speaks to is something I’ve encountered throughout my Christian life, the need to look victorious in spite of how circumstances are warring against our soul. Because after all, doesn’t Paul say that we are more than conquerors? Unfortunately, I fell into this mindset at a time when I was taking a pounding from life and detached from how certain realities in my life had impacted me. Because of the Charismatic teaching that I had embraced, there was this philosophy of warring though the difficulties and engaging in radical praise. Be triumphant even when you don’t feel like it. Be strong, when you are weak. The problem with that mindset is that it doesn’t allow a realistic evaluation and may encourage dishonesty in our spiritual walk. Continue reading →