So tomorrow ends 2013. I’ve been reflecting a bit on how this year has transpired and one thought kept bubbling to the top – it didn’t go as I expected. That’s not necessarily a good or bad thing; it just is what it is.

I started out the year kind of skeptical as I wrote in Cracking the Door to 2013. There is something exciting and anticipatory about a new year. But its like that Forrest Gump infamous line, the new year is a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get. Sure enough, whereas I had secret hope that some things would finally start turning around, it actually went the other way or at least from outward appearances.

I was told in February that  that the job that had sustained me since the start of seminary was ending. I had already been experiencing a growing frustration and realizing that what I was doing was at cross purposes with where my skills, interests and passions lay. Thinking that this was the time for transition, I took a position that really wasn’t the right direction and didn’t work out too well. I left in November. So whereas at the beginning of 2013, I had hoped that whatever transition that seemed to be in the works would manifest itself, turns out just the opposite. I end the year, a bit more uncertain than when I started though with a couple of likely prospects. I never would have guessed I’d be where I am now, especially so close to graduation. It did challenge me on where I found my significance – in my accomplishments or in Christ?

I’ve also had to contend with a persistent valley and fighting against discontentment and self-pity that needed the boot. I’m grateful for the continual reminders that are necessary to promote gratitude and prevent bitterness.  There are certain aspects in my personal life that I had hoped by now would have changed but haven’t. I honestly would not have expected things to go as they have. Continue reading →

Yes, that’s right, today is my birthday. I confess to approaching a half century of life with some ambivalence. My life hasn’t exactly turned out like I hoped it would at this stage so coming into this birthday was a bit hard. On one hand, I wanted to have a big celebration but then wasn’t really up to it. But some wise words from a fellow classmate kind of jolted me out of myself. He asked if I thought Israel had an option of celebrating the various feasts. No, they glorified God regardless. And I shall do the same. I am thankful for life and God’s many blessings.

In the past several days, I’ve been reflecting on some lessons learned from personal experience and observations about life over these past 50 years and thought I’d jot them down. So in no particular order (translated – not prioritized);

1. The fact that life is unfair and not always kind does not stop us from wishing it were.

2. Pay attention to bad patterns in your life.

3. The hardest person to be honest with is yourself.

4. Value the input from others. Sometimes they see things we can’t.

5. You can’t change the past but pay attention to how it has changed you.

6. People are never who you want them to be and will likely surprise you.

7. The things that present the most discomfort usually point to what needs the most change.

8. Remember the innocence of your youth.

9. Its ok to admit when life hurts.

10. Facades may seem like a good solution but only hurt you in the long run. Continue reading →

The fall semester has started and I’m finally taking that biblical counseling class that I intentionally saved to the end because I was so opposed to taking it. But the last 5 years in seminary have been interesting…um challenging…ok exposing. Now I’m actually looking forward to it! I was reminded of a rather vulnerable piece I did at Parchment and Pen that described my transition and reasoning. More fitting my blog though, so I’m moving it here:

 

Confessions of a Torn Dichotomist (July 26, 2012)

Our humanity matters. It matters to the Lord and it matters in our Christian walk. I have not always recognized this or believed it. Like most Christians, I have been taught through scripture and reinforced through teachers that Christianity meant being more Christ-like, more spiritual, more conformed to who I was called to be. It meant recognizing that I’m a new creature in Christ, redeemed, forgiven, transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of God. It meant forgetting those things that were behind and pressing forward to grab hold of why the Lord grabbed hold of me. It meant learning, growing, serving, fellowshipping, giving, and maturing.

Now that’s all fine and good, certainly scriptural and commanded. We have the earnest intent to move forward in the Lord, that is until our humanity gets in the way. And even when it does, it is easy to spiritualize what ails us. It’s an attack of the enemy, a sin that needs removal, a lack of conformity to who we were called to be.  In order to be a good Christian, we keep moving in, keep pressing and holding on.  We rely on the Holy Spirit’s power, yet there is struggle, lots of struggle.  Depending on what kinds of things we are dealing with in our humanity, the struggle can be more severe for some than others. There is a reason for this.

I’ve come to learn that when life happens, things impact us.  The more bad life happens the more badly it impacts us. Try as we might to conform or in same cases, just perform, it can seem like an uphill battle.  But in order to walk fruitfully in our Christianity, the worst thing we can do is ignore the issues that plague our humanity. Why? It is who we are and how we have been impacted by life. Continue reading →